How to Write an Obituary: The Complete Guide with Examples
You have been asked to write an obituary. It is a profound responsibility , to capture a life in words, to announce a death with dignity, and to honour someone you love. But where do you begin? The grief is raw, the memories are overwhelming, and the words feel inadequate.
You are not alone. Writing an obituary is one of the most meaningful , and difficult , writing tasks anyone can undertake. But it is also a gift. An obituary is a tribute that celebrates a life, shares a story, and provides comfort to those who grieve.
This guide will teach you everything you need to know about how to write an obituary with compassion and clarity. We will cover the structure, the essential elements, the tone, and the common mistakes to avoid. By the end, you will have the tools to write a tribute that honours your loved one and brings comfort to all who read it.
Obituary Writing at a Glance
1 What Is an Obituary and Why Does It Matter?
An obituary is a written tribute that announces a person's death, shares key life information, and provides details about funeral or memorial services. It serves two essential purposes: it announces a death and celebrates a life.
But an obituary is so much more than a notice. As the poet Victoria Chang observes, "An obituary should be more about how someone lived versus the fact that they died". A well-written obituary tells the story of a person's life, their relationships, their accomplishments, and the legacy they leave behind.
Writing an obituary is also a therapeutic act. It offers a way to process grief, to reflect on a life, and to share memories with others. It is a gift to the family and community , a permanent record of a life that mattered.
Honors a Life
An obituary celebrates the unique qualities, achievements, and relationships that made someone who they were.
Informs the Community
It shares funeral details so that friends, family, and community members can pay their respects.
Creates a Permanent Record
An obituary becomes a lasting tribute that can be read and remembered for generations.
Provides Comfort
Reading about a loved one's life and legacy can bring comfort to those who are grieving.
2 The Fundamentals of Writing an Obituary
Before you start writing, it helps to understand the core principles that guide effective obituary writing.
Focus on the Life, Not Just the Death
As New York Times obituary writer Margalit Fox says, "obits have next to nothing to do with death, and in fact absolutely everything to do with a life". An obituary should celebrate who the person was , their passions, their quirks, their relationships, and their contributions.
Write in the Third Person
Most obituaries are written in the third person (using "he," "she," or "they" rather than "I"). This creates a respectful distance and allows the focus to remain on the deceased.
Be Honest and Warm
An obituary should be truthful but also kind. Focus on the positive aspects of the person's life. If there were challenges, frame them with compassion. "Paint the person in a kind and respectful way to show your appreciation for having known them," advises one guide.
Consider the Audience
An obituary is read by family, friends, colleagues, and community members. It should be accessible to a wide audience. Avoid jargon and keep the language clear and warm.
The Three-Part Structure
As The New York Times notes, an obituary tends to have three distinct parts: the beginning (name, age, date of death, work, education), the middle (anecdotes that celebrate the person's life), and the end (who is survived by and funeral details). Think of it as a journey from the basic facts to the heart of the person to the practical details.
3 What to Include in an Obituary
There is no single required format for an obituary. Some families write a single paragraph; others write several pages. However, most obituaries include the following essential elements.
Full Name, Age, and Date of Death
Begin with the person's full legal name, including maiden name, nicknames (in quotes), and suffixes like Jr. or Sr.. Include their age and the date and place of death. For example: "Margaret 'Peggy' Anne Sullivan, 84, of Grand Rapids, Michigan, passed away peacefully on March 22, 2026".
Date and Place of Birth
Include where and when the person was born. This grounds the reader in the person's origins and life journey.
Biographical Information
This is the heart of the obituary. Share the story of who the person was. Consider including:
- Where they grew up and went to school
- Career and occupation (employer, years of service, notable achievements)
- Military service (branch, rank, years, honours)
- Marriage and family life
- Hobbies, interests, and passions
- Faith and community involvement
- Organisations and memberships
- Any awards or achievements
Survivors and Predeceased Family
List immediate family members who are still living ("is survived by") and those who died before them ("was preceded in death by"). Include spouses, children (and their spouses), grandchildren, siblings, and other significant family members.
Funeral and Memorial Service Details
Provide the date, time, and location of visitation, the funeral or memorial service, burial information, and whether the service is public or private.
Memorial Contributions
If the family wishes, include "In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to..." along with the organisation's name and address.
A Photo
Include a photo of your loved one. If possible, a collection of other photos from friends and family can be a wonderful addition to an online memorial.
What to Include Checklist
- Name: Full legal name, nickname, maiden name
- Age: At time of death
- Death: Date and place of death
- Birth: Date and place of birth
- Biography: Education, career, military, hobbies, faith
- Survivors: Family members who are still living
- Predeceased: Family members who died before
- Service details: Funeral or memorial information
- Donations: Memorial contribution information
- Photo: A picture of your loved one
4 How to Write an Obituary: Step-by-Step
Here is a step-by-step process to help you write a meaningful obituary, even during a time of grief.
Step 1: Gather Information
Start by gathering the essential facts. Ask family members for details. You will need:
- Full legal name (including maiden name and nicknames)
- Date and place of birth
- Date and place of death
- Education and career information
- Military service details (if applicable)
- Names of surviving family members
- Names of predeceased family members
- Funeral or memorial service details
Step 2: Reflect on Their Life
Take time to reflect. What made this person special? What were their passions, quirks, and contributions? Think about the stories that capture who they were. If you are feeling stuck, ask friends and relatives for their recollections.
Step 3: Write the Opening
Begin with the basic facts , the announcement of death. Include the full name, age, place of residence, and date and place of death. For example: "John Robert Smith, 78, of Denver, Colorado, passed away peacefully on July 15, 2026."
Step 4: Write the Life Story
This is the middle section , the heart of the obituary. Share the story of their life. Include biographical details, but also weave in anecdotes and personal touches that celebrate who they were. What did they love? What made them laugh? What will people remember most?
Step 5: List Survivors and Predeceased
List family members who are still living ("is survived by") and those who died before them ("was preceded in death by"). This is a meaningful way to acknowledge family connections and relationships.
Step 6: Include Service Details
Provide clear information about funeral or memorial services, including date, time, location, and whether the service is public or private.
Step 7: Review and Revise
Read the obituary aloud. Does it feel true to the person? Is the tone respectful and warm? Ask a family member to review it for accuracy and completeness. Proofread carefully before publishing.
Obituary Template
[Full Name], [age], of [City, State], passed away [peacefully / suddenly] on [Date of Death] at [location]. Born on [Date of Birth] in [City, State], [he/she] was the [son/daughter] of [parents' names].
[He/She] graduated from [School] and worked at [Employer] for [X] years. [He/She] was known for [personal quality , generosity, humour, kindness]. [He/She] enjoyed [hobbies/interests] and was a member of [Church/Organization].
[He/She] is survived by [spouse], [children], [grandchildren], and [siblings]. [He/She] was preceded in death by [names].
A memorial service will be held at [Time] on [Date] at [Location]. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to [Organization].
5 Common Mistakes to Avoid
Even well-intentioned writers make mistakes. Here are the most common errors and how to avoid them.
Being Too Brief or Generic
Writing an obituary that is so short it does not capture the person's essence, or using generic phrases that could apply to anyone.
Fix: Take the time to include personal details, stories, and qualities that made your loved one unique.
Focusing Only on Death
Writing an obituary that dwells on the death rather than celebrating the life.
Fix: As Margalit Fox advises, focus on the life, not the death. Celebrate who the person was.
Using Overly Formal Language
Writing in a stiff, formal tone that does not reflect the person's warmth or personality.
Fix: Write in a warm, conversational tone. Let the person's voice and character shine through.
Omitting Key Information
Forgetting important details like service times, survivors, or memorial contribution information.
Fix: Use a checklist to ensure you have included all the essential elements.
Not Proofreading
Publishing an obituary with spelling or factual errors.
Fix: Proofread carefully. Ask a family member to review it for accuracy.
Making It About the Writer
Focusing too much on your own grief rather than the person who died.
Fix: Keep the focus on the deceased. As Victoria Chang advises, "your aim is to center the person's life and not your grief".
6 How to Write an Obituary for Different Relationships
The approach to writing an obituary may vary depending on your relationship to the person who died. Here are some considerations.
For a Family Member
You have a lifetime of memories to draw from. Focus on personal stories and family traditions. Include details about their role in the family , as a parent, grandparent, sibling, or spouse.
Key trait: Warm, personal, and family-focused.
For a Friend
Focus on the friendship and shared experiences. What made this person a good friend? What adventures did you share? What will you miss most?
Key trait: Heartfelt and friendship-focused.
For a Colleague
Focus on professional contributions and work relationships. Include details about their career, achievements, and impact on the workplace.
Key trait: Professional and achievement-focused.
For a Public Figure
Focus on public contributions and legacy. Include details about their impact on the community, their career, and their public achievements.
Key trait: Comprehensive and legacy-focused.
Writing Your Own Obituary
Some people choose to write their own obituary in advance. This allows you to have the last word on how you are remembered. Be honest, reflective, and perhaps even playful.
Key trait: Personal, reflective, and self-aware.
7 How to Revise Your Obituary
An obituary is a deeply personal document, and revision can be emotional. But taking the time to revise ensures that your tribute is clear, accurate, and meaningful. Here is a step-by-step process for revising your obituary.
Step 1: Take a Break
Step away from the draft for a few hours or a day. This gives you fresh eyes and helps you see the tribute more objectively.
Step 2: Read It Aloud
Read the obituary aloud. Does it sound respectful and warm? Are there any awkward phrases? Reading aloud helps you catch issues you might miss when reading silently.
Step 3: Check for Completeness
Have you included all the essential elements? Name, age, date of death, biographical information, survivors, service details, and memorial contributions?
Step 4: Check the Tone
Is the tone respectful and warm? Does it capture the essence of the person? If it feels too stiff or too casual, adjust the language.
Step 5: Check for Accuracy
Double-check all names, dates, and details. A small error can be hurtful and distracting.
Step 6: Get Feedback
Share the draft with a trusted family member or friend. Fresh eyes can catch errors and offer perspectives you may have missed.
8 Obituary Examples
Here are some sample obituaries to illustrate different styles and approaches.
Example 1: Short and Simple
"Margaret 'Peggy' Anne Sullivan, 84, of Grand Rapids, Michigan, passed away peacefully on March 22, 2026, surrounded by her family. Born on June 15, 1941, in Detroit, Peggy was a devoted wife, mother, and grandmother. She is survived by her husband of 57 years, William; her children, Susan and Thomas; four grandchildren; and her sister, Elizabeth. She was preceded in death by her parents and her brother. A memorial service will be held on March 28 at St. Mary's Church in Grand Rapids. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Alzheimer's Association."
Example 2: Life Story (Medium Length)
"John Robert Smith, 78, of Denver, Colorado, passed away peacefully on July 15, 2026. Born on March 3, 1948, in Chicago, John was the son of Robert and Mary Smith. He graduated from the University of Colorado and went on to a distinguished career as an architect, designing some of Denver's most iconic buildings. John was a passionate fly fisherman and a devoted volunteer at the local food bank. He is survived by his wife of 50 years, Sarah; his children, Michael and Jennifer; five grandchildren; and his brother, David. He was preceded in death by his parents. A celebration of life will be held on July 22 at the Denver Botanic Gardens. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Denver Food Bank."
Example 3: Warm and Personal
"Robert 'Bobby' James Miller, 72, of Austin, Texas, left us peacefully on June 10, 2026. Known for his quick wit, infectious laugh, and legendary barbecue, Bobby was the heart of every family gathering. He was a master carpenter, a devoted husband to his wife Linda for 48 years, and a proud father to his three children. He found joy in teaching his grandchildren to fish and in playing his guitar around the campfire. He will be deeply missed by all who knew him. A memorial service will be held on June 18 at the Austin Community Center. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you share a meal with someone you love."
9 Tips for Writing with Compassion
Writing an obituary during grief is challenging. Here are some tips to help you write with compassion , for yourself and for others.
Give Yourself Grace
You are writing during a difficult time. It is okay if the words do not come easily. Give yourself permission to write imperfectly and revise later.
Involve Others
Writing an obituary does not have to be a solitary task. Ask family members and friends to share memories and contribute ideas. This can also be a healing experience for everyone involved.
Celebrate the Quirks
As Victoria Chang reminds us, "Everyone is special and quirky, and I think the best obituaries capture the essence of those qualities". Do not be afraid to include the small, funny, or unusual details that made your loved one who they were.
It Is Okay to Be Funny
"There's a lot of humor and oddity, strange tensions and funny stuff about people and the things they do together," Chang says. Humour can be a beautiful way to honour someone's spirit.
Think About How They Would Want to Be Remembered
"Imagine what they would write about themselves," Chang advises. Let this guide your writing.
Writing an obituary can be a reminder to live fully, love deeply, and honour the lives of those we have lost.
10 Practice Exercises to Improve Your Obituary Writing
Writing an obituary is a skill that can be developed. Here are some practice exercises to help you become more comfortable with the form.
Exercise 1: Write a Short Obituary
Write a short obituary for a fictional person (or a real person you admire). Focus on the essential facts and a few key personal details. Aim for 150–200 words.
Exercise 2: Write a Life Story Obituary
Take the same person and write a longer obituary (300–500 words). Include more biographical detail, anecdotes, and personal reflections.
Exercise 3: Read and Analyse Obituaries
Read obituaries in newspapers or online. Notice the structure, the tone, and the details that stand out. What makes one obituary more memorable than another?
Exercise 4: Write Your Own Obituary
Consider writing your own obituary as a reflective exercise. What would you want people to know about your life? What would you want to be remembered for?
Final Thoughts
Writing an obituary is one of the most meaningful acts of love you can offer. It is a tribute that honours a life, shares a story, and brings comfort to those who grieve. It is a gift to the family and a lasting record of a life that mattered.
Remember that your obituary does not have to be perfect. It just needs to be true to the person you are honouring. As Alden Whitman once said, a good obituary "has all the characteristics of a well-focused snapshot... It does not disclose everything yet it conveys a vivid and accurate impression".
Keep these principles in mind as you write:
- Focus on the life, not just the death. Celebrate who the person was.
- Be honest and warm. Write with compassion and kindness.
- Include the essential details. Name, age, survivors, service information.
- Tell the story. Share the anecdotes and qualities that made them unique.
- Proofread carefully. Accuracy is a sign of respect.
- Give yourself grace. You are writing during a difficult time.
Writing an obituary is not easy. But it is a profound act of love. It is a way to say: This person lived. This person mattered. This person will be remembered.
Now go write a tribute that honours a life well lived.
